Archive | April, 2008

Let’s start at the beginning.

19 Apr

It started when Lisa broke up with me. Since she left and found someone else (less than a month later!), I have been miserable.

I moved to New York in July 2005.  I didn’t know anyone and felt a bit lonely.  So I signed up with match.com.  I emailed Lisa and we later met for the first in Coney Island.  She was cute.  I was excited to have someone in my life.

She tried to break up with me a few times, the earliest in Dec 2005.  I don’t know why.  I fought to keep it together and we still kept at it.  Despite that, I was happy.  We laughed a lot, were affectionate to each other, and even made love on her Brooklyn rooftop.

She claimed we fought a lot, but I don’t think that was the case.  She often made comments that she didn’t want to get married and wanted to spend the rest of her life traveling and not settling down.  I felt anxious.  I thought she was trying to push me away with subtle and not-so-subtle hints.  I tried to do what I could to make things easy for her.  I tried to start a business that would make us enough money so she could live abroad and travel.  I was so stressed with starting this tutoring business that I was unpleasant to be around.  We yelled and fought, mostly because I was stressed.  Sometimes I felt like I was doing this for us–for her–and that she didn’t care.  But I never told her that that was why I was starting the business, that it was for her.  I think she thought maybe I was just trying to make a quick buck.

Anyway, we broke up on Feb 24, 2007.  She emailed me and told me it was over.  I found she put a profile in match.com and in less than 3 weeks, she was with someone.  An actuary who makes over $100,000 per year.  So just like that I was replaced.  I’ve been depressed ever since.

Advertisements

The cherry is broken.

3 Apr

I spend nearly two hours commuting to my temp job each way.  Two hours in the morning.  Two hours at night.  I spend the time in between doing some glorified data entry for a financial institution. 

 In a former life, I had two master’s degrees from a top-rated public university and a consulting gig at a pretty well-known marketing firm.  I quit that gig because I hated the commute.  I moved in with my girlfriend to save money but sat around doing nothing.  I was desperate for a job and this temp job opened up.  My commute is about the same time but my pay is 33% less. 

I’ve been unhappy for a long time.  In my career and educational choices.  With my body.  In my relationship.  My ex-girlfriend accused me of a being a stressful person.  I denied it.  She was probably right.  My father is a bit depressive.  I inherited that from him as well as his weight and receding hairline. 

 The above story about my temp job is emblematic of my life: I make a decision with best intentions but, ultimately, end up in a worse off situation.  I’m writing this blog mostly for myself because I desperately need to make a change in my life: I want a career, a better body, happiness with my family, and I want to find true love where I feel completeness.