Archive | May, 2008

Third time’s the charm.

7 May

I’m drunk right now, Lisa.  I wish I knew what you were doing.  I wish I knew if you still thought about me, if even in passing.  I’m in San Francisco right now.  Do you remember how you wanted to go to San Francisco when we were together?   Well, I’m here.  And I think I’ve wanted to come here ever since you broke up with me.  It was a promise we made together.  And even though you’re with this lame-ass boring actuary, who makes six figures, I sometimes think you and I can still get back together.

No, I don’t want you in my life anymore.  Take your rich  boyfriend and live a better life.  I’m still trying to move to SF just like you always wanted, in some pathetic attempt that you will see that I’m here and will want to get back together with me.

He’s so boring!!  I don’t care if he makes money.  He’s boring.  I know you and him have natural chemisty and you both love to hike and travel.  So what?  I’m sorry that I grew up poor and never traveled or hiked.  I’m sorry that I’m not Jewish or white.  Why did you pick someone who was white and Jewish?  It makes me feel like shit.  I’m sorry we never hiked the AT.  Growing up, I never had any money to even eat out, let alone take trips to far-away countries. 

Where you slumming with me?  Did you want to date a non-white, non-Christian person just to say that you dated someone who wasn’t white?  Did you slum it with  me?  I loved you and thought about you every second of every day.  I was happy.  You weren’t happy, it turned out.

Part of me loves you, but that part is small.  Most of me thinks you didn’t understand me or give me the benefit of the doubt.  Still, I wish for one more night with you, to hold you again and wake up to you so we can play again.  I love you.  it’s sad that you’re probably engaged to that boring, thin, rich, smart actuary.  But whatever, it’s true, I love you.  I want you.  If for just one more moment.  Love him.  Love Ben.  He’s not fun. 

I’m drunk.  I feel sad for myself.  I hope you enjoyed Argentina.