Tag Archives: family

This sucks

21 Aug

I was home the past few days – in the Midwest.  My parents are getting worse.  My mom had such a hard time getting into and out of the car.  She’s in her 50s, which is not that old.  My dad has been eating worse, which is bad for his diabetes.  I think he’s sick of eating the health food and just wants to live again.

I also talked to my sister on the phone.  Her back is getting worse.  She spent 2 months on disability and the doctors say she needs surgery.

My dad’s monthly income is less than the rent.  My mom doesn’t work.  The Midwest is dying.  Anyone who had a chance already left.  What’s left is a pocket of poverty, crime, and substance abuse.  I don’t my parents living in this.  I walked around town the other day – I was the only one outside, of course, no one walks anymore in the Midwest – and people gave me strange looks from their cars.  Maybe because I’m the only one walking, maybe because I’m not white.  For whatever reason, I felt uncomfortable.  I can’t come back and live/work in the Midwest.  I felt insecure when I grew up there.  Why would I go back?  I feel like I fit in more in NYC.

I want to get my parents out, buy a big house in a city that’s progressive, liberal, and open-minded.  That’s my ultimate dream.

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The cherry is broken.

3 Apr

I spend nearly two hours commuting to my temp job each way.  Two hours in the morning.  Two hours at night.  I spend the time in between doing some glorified data entry for a financial institution. 

 In a former life, I had two master’s degrees from a top-rated public university and a consulting gig at a pretty well-known marketing firm.  I quit that gig because I hated the commute.  I moved in with my girlfriend to save money but sat around doing nothing.  I was desperate for a job and this temp job opened up.  My commute is about the same time but my pay is 33% less. 

I’ve been unhappy for a long time.  In my career and educational choices.  With my body.  In my relationship.  My ex-girlfriend accused me of a being a stressful person.  I denied it.  She was probably right.  My father is a bit depressive.  I inherited that from him as well as his weight and receding hairline. 

 The above story about my temp job is emblematic of my life: I make a decision with best intentions but, ultimately, end up in a worse off situation.  I’m writing this blog mostly for myself because I desperately need to make a change in my life: I want a career, a better body, happiness with my family, and I want to find true love where I feel completeness.